Is Benching the new Ghosting? Adulthookup wants you to know the difference and how they both work. Have a look at our definitions and see for yourself. We believe that these explanations will help you to decide: "Is Benching the new Ghosting? Although they are similar it is clear that they have many distinct differences. Benching is being used more and more instead of ghosting when singles are dating and want to always have someone that they can call if they need to. In short, we believe that benching is the new ghosting but let's take a deeper look at what they both mean.

Benching can happen to the best of us and it usually happens when we least expect it. Benching is when someone that you've been dating and that you're truly interested in or that you at least think you're interested in starts to cancel all dates that you have planned with them at the last minute. They stop hanging out with you and you find it hard to even pin them down and find out where they are. Someone who is benching you will keep on texting you, liking something on your Facebook wall or on your Instagram or sending you a quick Snapchat but only when it's convenient for them to do so or when they are bored. They tend to give you enough to keep you thinking about them and thinking that there is going to be a chance with them. Unfortunately, it is almost as if you are an afterthought to the bencher. Benching happens when the bencher is not that into the benchee but does not want to cut all ties, they want to keep their options open so they put them on the sidelines to keep them as an option in the future.

Benching is a lot like what you would think it is in sports terms. When you're on a team and you're benched. You're still actually on the team, but you are not playing the game. This is the same thing with benching while dating, the person that is doing this to you wants you to always be ready and waiting for them but it never actually seems to happen, you never actually hang out together and if you do it's 100% on their terms. You may have heard of benching before, but it would have been used with terms such as 'being kept on the hook', 'left on the back burner' or a now old school dating term known as 'being led on'.

What makes benching so bad is that there's NO real way to move on this is what makes it, unlike ghosting. At least with ghosting there's an end, it may not be how you wanted it to be but there's an end and you are not roped back into something that is NEVER going to work. You will be on your way to getting over him or her and you've all but given up and then you suddenly and unexpectedly receive a non-committal text, snapchat, Instagram like, email or quick phone call that is flirty and may even involve plans for a date in the future. The unfortunate part is that the date will never happen because the bencher will ALWAYS cancel on you at the last minute. Sometimes a bencher will make a date with you and then never even show up. When you call them out on it, there's always some lame excuse that often sounds made up and fake. This is what makes benching different from ghosting. You can't always tell when you are being benched. This happens mostly because your relationship is pretty casual and laid back so it might be hard to tell if someone is taking things slow or if you are being benched.

A bencher makes as little effort as possible to keep communication going with you but always pops up when you least expect it or need it to. Usually this 'pop up' happens just as you're getting over him or her yet again. And what makes matters worse is that they know exactly what to say to draw you over and over again. Most of the time there's no face to face meet up, yet a bencher is 'thinking' of you which means they must be interested in you, right? Talk about a complete mind f@$k! You end up getting your hopes up again, only to be disappointed again by this loser who is clearly using you as their toy thing.

Benching is done by daters who want to keep their options open at all times. If the bencher decides that they like you but are more interested in someone else at the time they will move you to the sidelines and pursue something with someone else. If it doesn't work out with that someone else or they get bored then you're next up and that's when you receive a text, Instagram like Snapchat or Facebook message out of the blue asking you how you're doing or saying that he or she misses you and would love to go out with you again. The unfortunate thing is that 95 percent of the time that date never happens because you get replaced yet again and typically by someone new that the bencher has found to be interested in for the moment. Depending on what you want out of the relationship will depend on how you handle being benched. If you are okay with having a very casual relationship where you are both on the same page then stick with it. BUT if you want this person to realize that you're a great catch and that they need to get their act together or you are going to put them in the same position that they've put you in.

Ghosting, also known as the 'slow fade' is when one dater in a relationship ends said relationship by simply disappearing. There's no explanation given of any kind, which leaves the ghosted wondering what they've done wrong and what they could have done differently so that this didn't happen to him or her, to begin with. Ghosting is when you are completely cut off from the other person in your relationship. Your text messages are not replied to, your phone calls are not answered, and you've been deleted and often blocked as a Facebook friend from the Ghosters profile.

There are many different levels of ghosting. It can happen after only a few dates or it can happen to you after a full-on relationship that has been going on for quite some time. The longer you were with the one that does this to you the more the ghosting is going to hurt you. Regardless of the length of the relationship, it doesn't ever feel good and it always hurts when it happens to you. Most often ghosting feels like a full on blind side, it usually comes completely out of nowhere and is completely unexpected. You may even find yourself worrying that something terrible has happened to the ghoster for the first couple of days. You may go as far as trying to contact friends and family or even call hospitals to try to find out if your ghoster is okay. But then after stalking them on social media, you see a post that your ghoster has posted. It's a picture where he or she going about living their life without a care in the world and you're completely crushed. then suddenly you can't seem to find him or her on any social media because you have been blocked by the one that is ghosting you.

Neither of these newly coined terms used in dating are a new thing, they date back for years and years but they just look different than it did 10, 20 or even 30 years ago. Ghosting has evolved from waiting all day by your corded house phone not allowing anyone to talk long on it the entire day to checking your cell phone constantly for any sort of communication from your ghoster. Ghosting still looks the same, the ghoster disappears which leaves you waiting and wondering when you're going to hear from them again. You keep giving them more time to respond to your texts or think they must just be too busy right now to call you back or hang out. It's the old 'they went out for a bag of milk' and never came back story. Some people (many actually) ghost because they honestly believe that this is kinder than trying to explain why you don't want a relationship. Many people who ghost do this because they don't want to be mean, they don't want to deal with someone who may lose it. A ghoster doesn't like confrontation and this is often the driving force behind what it is that they do. Ghosters believe that avoiding the 'break up' completely is going to be better than the alternative.

When you realize that you are being ghosted resist the urge to keep trying to get in touch with the person who ghosted you. We all need to feel like we have gotten closure at the end of a relationship, but with this situation, you are going to have to get it on your own because you will not get it anywhere else. If you continue to try to contact the ghoster after it has been made clear that this is what is happening to you then you're only going to continue to hurt yourself and you deserve better than that. You may never know the reason that this has happened to you and that sucks, but you can't keep dwelling on it. You need to pick the pieces back up and try to move on. The faster you can do this, the better for you. Just remember, if you ever find yourself wanting to ghost someone in the future yourself, you need to remember how you were made to feel and at least have the decency to tell the person you're dating to their face that things are over. Take the high road and deal with the confrontation. You cared enough about this person to want to date them and even though you don't want to now, you at least owe them the decency of a proper breakup. You would have liked the same thing for yourself when you were ghosted in the past.

In our opinion, both benching and ghosting are two different things that can happen to anyone at any time. We do agree that they are similar but have some distinct differences. Singles today can and do still experience ghosting and although benching is new it seems to happen just as much to singles when they least expect it. Both benching and ghosting are a cowards way out of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. If someone is no longer truly interested in you the right thing to do is to tell him or her face to face. This may be an uncomfortable conversation to have with your ghostee or benchee but it is far more respectful than the alternative. Both benching and ghosting seem to play havoc with the person that it's happening to. Emotions of the benchee or ghostee are being hurt here and it only seems right that if you've decided that you're done dating the person that you're with then you should man or woman up and express these feelings straight on and to their face.

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