Trauma-bonding relationships can be devastating, and the long-term effects can be lasting. It's important to understand what might be happening. So, what is trauma-bonding, and how can you avoid it? These are some pretty important questions, and it's really important to first understand what trauma-bonding is, so that you really can sidestep it whenever possible. Firstly, trauma-bonding is essentially a bond that is created between you and a destructive person. A person who never shows up for you, who never comes through on their promises, who is abusive, who you keep trying to change. There are many other traits, but these are some of the main ones.

The way to avoid trauma bonding, is to recognize it in the beginning stages, and get out as fast as you can. If you find you're fighting all the time, you don't really even care all that much for them, yet you can't imagine being without them for some reason. You feel stuck, and you want to change the person, then chances are you are being loyal to the wrong person, and you need to jump ship. For the information you need to help you get out, keep reading.

Sometimes it can be really hard to explain why we make some of the poor relationship choices that we do. Is it because we truly do care for these people and genuinely want to see them change for the better? Is it because there's a certain comfort in knowing that subconsciously it's not going to work out, so you don't need to worry about long-term plans? Or, is it that it feels good to be bonded to someone, even if it is a trauma bond? In the case of trauma bonding, that's likely what it boils down to. In spite of the fact that the bond is completely destructive, and the further you get into it, the harder it is to get out.

Toxic people can be very addictive to some, for some reason, and once you're bonded to them in this way, it makes it very difficult to imagine cutting ties with them. You've put in the sweat equity, you've given it your all, you don't want to put in all of that work, only to have your relationship end, and watch your partner end up with someone else and be happy after you put in all of that work. So, in spite of knowing on some level that you shouldn't be staying in this situation, you do stay, in the hopes of one day receiving the validation that you are probably never going to get from this person. It's like setting yourself up to play a very long-term game, that you're never going to be able to win.

When you first get involved with someone, the last thing you're going to be looking at is the worst in them. You've got your love goggles on, and you're seeing all of the best, and in the beginning, you look good to each other and you're being fulfilled on at least some level. So you stay, hoping that at some point, this person is going to come through for, they're going to start doing what they say they will, they're going to quit their destructive behavior. You can be a good influence on them, right? Well, you can be a good influence on them all you want to, but you're never going to change who they are. It feels good to have someone promise you the world and know that they have such good intentions for you and your relationship together.

In spite of the conflict, there are often glimpses of normalcy that keep coming to the surface, so that's worth holding onto, right? It's honestly amazing how many people end up in this situation, and how easy it is to get there. In the beginning, this is what it's going to look like, but over time, it's going to get more intense. If you're already noticing this kind of behavior, leaving is probably the best thing that you can do for yourself, because what comes next is escalation.

So things are pretty good. In spite of your partner's inconsistencies, there are still some great moments between the two of you, and when you think of them, you're still smiling. You're feeling somewhat disappointed by them not coming through the way they say they will, but at this point, you're still happy, and you're willing to keep helping them improve. You keep trying to help, and they keep resisting you. Things start to get more intense with them getting angry with you, and fighting with you. The next thing you know, you've had some pretty intense fights, and nothing is ever resolved. The wounds are left open, and you keep moving forward, because there are still promises being made, and, 'normal' moments, that keep you feeling comfortable in your situation, and remaining hopeful for the future. You're likely still not thinking of leaving at this point, although the behavior is starting to cause the trauma bonding, and you're beginning to feel like you are stuck. You're still not thinking of leaving them, but you notice that you are starting to feel differently about them.

Eventually, you are living full-time in a completely unhealthy situation, and you're feeling stuck. You feel like you can't get out, but in spite of all of the abusive behavior, broken promises, let downs and fights - which are getting more intense, and never yield a win for either of you, here you remain. You want to leave them, but when you try, you feel a sense of panic, and longing that feels like you won't be able to survive a day without them. This is where you will ultimately end up, if you don't recognize the signs in the beginning. Once you're in too deep, you can't see the forest for the trees anymore, and it becomes incredibly difficult to walk away from the situation. You end up stuck, in a situation with someone who you barely even like, yet can't imagine being without.

Trauma bonds are incredibly unhealthy, and will never yield a successful relationship. The best you can ever hope to come to with someone that you are trauma bonded with, is some form of long-term tolerance. The truth is though, that since this person has an abusive nature, you likely won't get to any kind of a place that resembles peace, on any level. You can't trust this person, yet you are so attached to them and even though you barely even like them anymore, you can't imagine leaving them. This is the trauma bond, and it's not a situation that you want to end up in.

Firstly, as difficult as it can be to take the blinders off during the beginning part of a relationship, it is absolutely necessary to do so, if you start to notice any of these signs. You need to let yourself see what's going on, and be open to seeing the signs for what they are. If someone is making you empty promises, never showing up, and picking fights with you for confronting them about their behavior, then you don't need to walk away from this person, you need to run - like your ass is on fire. Don't reason with yourself about why you should stick around with this person, don't give yourself license to make bad decisions. By now, your gut feeling is probably going insane as well, and it's doing so for a reason. Don't ignore it. Even if you decide to see how things go for a bit longer, it's still important to stay aware of the warning signs, and acknowledge them when you see them.

If you've finally reached this point, then there's really nothing left to do but leave. Cut your losses, and run like the wind. Honestly, there is nothing here for you. There is nothing beneficial to come in the future of this relationship, and you don't stand to gain anything by staying with this person. By this point, hopefully you can see the signs, and since you've been aware of the situation's potential, you haven't gotten sucked into the trauma bond. Once you see the situation for what it is, you can realize that it's never going to change, and there's nothing that you can do to improve it. The only thing you need to do now, is decide what to do.

Now that you know what to look for, and you've been successful when it comes to identifying the signs and behaviors, you can choose to avoid a lot of unnecessary hardship and heartache, and walk away. Many people lose decades of their lives - or even all of their lives - staying stuck in trauma bond situations, because they simply refuse to see that there can be life beyond this toxic person. There's no need to be let down anymore, there's no need to be fighting all the time with someone, and constantly disrespected. There's no need to be in a situation that makes you anything less than happy. You have all of the information you need, so you are free to walk away, and move on with your life.

When you ultimately decide to go, you're sure to be met with resistance by this person who is drawn to you for the wrong reasons as well, but doesn't have the strength to recognize that it's the wrong thing for them, and walk away. Whatever they say, whatever they do, you just need to keep walking, and keep heading in a direction that will lead you as far away from them as possible. This person will never be able to give you what you need. Even if you still hear from them for a while after you leave, just ignore them. They will probably spew some venom at you, but before too long, they'll eventually give up, and move on. Unfortunately, there will be another victim for them to prey on out there somewhere. Thankfully it won't be you. Once you've moved on, there is no need to look back. Don't give them another 'in'.

Now that you've made it this far, the best thing that you can do, is continue to move forward. It won't always be easy, but it will be much easier than if you had chosen to stay in this increasingly toxic relationship, and had to get out after forming a trauma bond. Recognizing the signs and avoiding getting sucked in was the best thing you could have done for yourself, and in no time, you'll be looking back at this situation and you'll be able to see it even more clearly. It's a guarantee that you will look back with a sigh of relief, because you managed to dodge this bullet, and avoid getting sucked into a situation that would have eventually seemed impossible to get out of down the road. Remember, recognizing the signs and allowing yourself to see them is the best way to avoid getting stuck in a trauma bond. If you feel like you're in a situation where someone you're with is exhibiting this type of behavior, and the alarm bells go off, listen to them, and do whatever you need to do do avoid getting sucked into the situation. You'll be very glad you did!

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