So, you've finally been to you're boyfriend's place, and you realize that he has a shitty apartment. You're probably not impresses at all by this, and with good reason! Who wants to date a guy with a shitty apartment? You might feel like you're either going to need to accept it or move on, and you might be right, but you might also be able to help him out with it. So, what do you do when your boyfriend has a shitty apartment? There's a lot that you're going to need to determine, for example, what makes it shitty? Is it really messy? Is this even a big deal to you? Then you need to feel the situation out and put some thought into it. Next, you can try things like dropping hints,

suggesting a clean-up, and adding your own touches. If none of that works, you can flat out tell him. Whatever you decide, has got the info you need on this and more right here!

This needs to be the first point, because if this is the case, then in all honesty, it should really raise some red flags for you. If it's messy to the point of being disgusting and capable of spreading disease, than you really need wonder if this is ever going to be someone that you could live with. Untidy is one thing, because that is something that you can work with, if you're willing. Straight up disgusting mess, though? Like, you're not sure if there's something (or things) living underneath all of the crap that's lying around, then you definitely need to talk to him right away.

That isn't something that anyone is going to want to deal with and if this is how he thinks it's okay to live, you need to decide if you want to have anything to do with that. If you can't take it on, then the best way to deal is going to be to bail, and no one would fault you for it. If this isn't your main concern and he's really just someone who has no idea how to decorate or coordinate when it comes to making a place cozy, you can work with that, if you choose to.

Once you've gotten past the first point, this is the next line of thought you need to consider, because depending on the reasons you feel this way, there could end up being a number of different approaches you need to take. One of those approaches may very well be to bail! Is it the neighborhood? Is it the building? Is it the size? Is it the decor? Is it all of the above? If this isn't a place that you can imagine spending much, if any, time at then you need to start asking yourself a whole bunch of other questions, and be prepared for the answers. This simply might be a situation where you need to cut your losses and bail.

If you can't deal with the living situation, then chances are that there are going to be a lot of other things that you're likely not going to be able to deal with either. If you're really into him however, and his shitty place isn't making you feel like you want to leave him, then you'll need to take a completely different approach, and take some time thinking things through, and consider a few different things.

Really though, is this something that you can potentially live with, or is it really a big deal to you? This is probably the best place for you to start when it comes to addressing this, because if you really don't care, then it's not something that you should push him too hard on, but if you really do care, then clearly it is a big deal to you, and you're going to need talk to him about it at some point, and figuring out exactly how to go about that surely won't be the easiest thing you ever do. This could be a make or break situation in your relationship, so definitely do make sure that it is a big enough deal for you to want to address it, and also make sure that when you do address it, you're being tactful. If it's really bothering you a lot, that's something that is going to be very important for you to think about, because this person could end up becoming the person that you live with in the future. If you can't stand being in their space, then how much better is a shared space between the two of you going to be?

Firstly, it's a really good idea to spend some time with your boyfriend at his place and sort of feel out the situation, Is this something that he simply seems to feel comfortable with? Is it something that he addresses here and there by pointing out some of the things that he'd like to change. Does he maybe talk now and then about the new furniture he'd like to get at some point, or anything else of that nature? Does he just come out and acknowledge that his apartment is really shitty, because that's definitely something as well, and men don't often have the flair for decorating that women do, so maybe he's simply challenged in that area and could use a little bit of help. If you take some time to feel the situation out, you'll have a much better idea of whether or not this is something that needs to be approached delicately. Feeling the situation out is definitely the way to go, and from there, once you've taken some time to assess the situation, you can start to assess it by putting some thought into it, which brings us on to our next point.

Obviously if your boyfriend has acknowledged that his apartment is shitty, then you can speak somewhat openly with him about it, because it's not like you're telling him something that he doesn't already know. If this isn't the case, however, then you're going to need to take the information that you now have, and think it through so that you can make the right approach. It's really important that you put as much thought as you can into what you're going to say to him when you bring this up. There's always a small chance that he's not going to mind you talking about this with him, but at the same time, there's a much bigger chance that he's going to be at least somewhat offended. Chances are that it's something he hasn't put a ton of thought into, and you're likely to catch him off guard. On the other hand, it could be something that he's put a lot of thought into, but that he doesn't currently have the resources to address. If that's the case, then you'll be glad that you took a tactful approach to addressing this with him.

Okay, this might not necessarily sound like best way to get started here, but there's a method. Men can tend to be pretty simple creatures, and sometimes if you subtly bring something to their attention, they can end up noticing it on their own, as opposed to having you bring it up with them directly. This might not seem like the ideal way to go about it, but at the same time, it can be an effective way, depending on the guy. It's definitely worth trying it out, and seeing how that goes. If it works, then that's awesome and you'll probably start to see some changes happen in his place, or he'll at least talk about it on some level with you, whether it's by complimenting your place, or talking about other things that he's come across that he thinks would look good in his place.

You could suggest a clean-up, and you could do it in a subtle way, as in telling him that you're going to be taking a bunch of your stuff to drop off at a place that takes donations, so why doesn't he get a bunch of stuff together that he doesn't need, and you can take it all at the same time. You could even offer to help him get things organized, and bag them up for him. You can also say that you're looking to do a major cleaning of your place, and that if he'd like to get his place done too, maybe the two of you could do both together - or if you're not too keen on having him help you, maybe you could come by and help him after your place is done. This is a good way to make it sound like you're including him in your plans and will help him, rather than telling him that he needs to do something. You could offer to do everything for him, but that's not recommended, because it's likely to become the expectation, and do you really want to take that on?

There's nothing wrong with bringing a couple of things by to see how your boyfriend reacts to you adding your own touches. If he's open to it, that's a really good sign, because it will let you know that even if he may be a terrible decorator, he's at least open to you adding your touches, and potential taking the reigns in the future, if the two of you ever ended up deciding to live together, and that would definitely be a huge relief! If he meets you with any resistance on this though, you're probably going to end up with a bit of a difficult situation on your hands, because if his place is shitty and he's not open to improving it, then chances are that he's not going to end up being someone that you will ultimately want to take things to the next step with.

You could tell him straight up, and if he's not responding to any of the other above mentioned things, then you're probably going to have to if you aren't reaching him any other way. If it comes down to this, then you're just going to have to talk to him about what's bothering you, and see how he takes it. You never know how this approach will go until you give it a try, but chances are that he won't be pleased about the conversation. That's certainly not to say that he will be mad or not want to see you anymore, but depending on the way he is and how sensitive he is about the topic, that is also possible. If you get to this point, you'll know the outcome soon enough.

Whatever the approach you end up taking is, the best thing you can do is just approach it tactfully, be honest, and just see how it goes. The worst that could happen, is that he gets super pissed with you, and doesn't want to see you anymore. If that's the case, then you probably dodged a bullet anyway. On the other hand, he could be completely open to your help and suggestions. Most realistically, he probably won't be incredibly excited about the conversation, but he'll listen to you, and be at least somewhat open to your help and suggestions. That being the case, you have something to work with and there is some hope for your future, should you ever decide to live together.

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